Well, this has certainly been a while but I thought it was time that I updated and started looking into posting here more often. Have threatened to do so before so let's see if it sticks this time. Those of you who are not writers who read this may find everything I am about to say strange and wonder why the Hell I have not been committed for multiple personality disorder but, to my writer peeps, this will all make a terrible amount of sense. To us, our characters are very real, living things that often have a voice of their own. Call it the Muse if you want but it holds true for every writer I know.
So, to tell the story right, let me take you back. In 1992, when my writing was just basically bad fanfiction (like many aspiring writer teens), I came up with The Sirens. At the time, I had a love/obsession with X-Men comics. I have always been a huge fan of comics so I came up with my own story set in Stan Lee's wonderful world (though I realize there are others whom I should be thanking for helping create the world that so inspired my childhood). The Sirens were basically 4 young ladies who liked Professor Xavier and his students but didn't really feel they'd fit in at his academy so they were off doing their own thing. The idea got a couple of silly little stories written but nothing at that time that was actually serious. About 3 years later, 1995 or so, while working on a bored scribble that involved the Sirens, I realized that one of the characters was actually more like two. The two sides of the character's personality were actually separate people, not one person with mood issues or a person with MPD. This splinter character sort of merged with a previous character I'd come up with for something else but was in no way serious about. For lack of understanding of the character and not knowing exactly where I wanted to go with her, I gave her that previous character's name, Marissa. It was a placeholder but I felt it would probably stick and that the character herself would speak up at some point if it did not.
The original incarnation of this character did have black hair, like she does now, but was white, again, for lack of imagination and wanting to have somewhere, anywhere to start with this new person that was forming. I tried playing around with the character and writing a few scenes but she was little more than muscle, the scary person in the background looking cool and wearing sunglasses with arms folded. She wasn't working and wasn't talking and I wondered why. Then, finally, one day, out of the blue, the voice that I now recognize as hers just simply was there. It was like she looked me in the eye and was not happy. Naturally, I was like "Why?" Her reply came clear as a bell and as blunt as could be. "Cause I'm Asian, dumbass." .......Oh.
Obviously, this was a problem. Not the ethnicity, of course, but rather my lack of understanding of that culture. Not being Asian, it meant a lot of peeling away layers to get through stereotypes to get a feel for the actual culture. I had already done extensive research on Japanese culture but this character made it pretty clear early on that she was Chinese, thank you very much, which meant I had a lot of work to do. Immediately, I thought, "Well, that name will have to go eventually. For now, she can just use it because Americans butcher her name and I'll find her true name when she's ready to give it to me." Despite my best efforts, however, she still remained that badass in the background that didn't have a lot to say and her past remained a mystery. Eventually, I had to come up with a story of why she had such a mysterious past and why she didn't really talk much. Thought it would be good to give her a reason to connect with her best friend so I decided her family had probably been killed by the Triads (Chinese mafia), much like her friends' folks had died by the Yakuza. It also explained why she didn't use her true name, as she didn't want bad guys breathing down her neck. I also figured she probably got some payback for what happened to her folks and that would make them really not happy with her, one more reason to have an American name. It was an okay start but felt a little too easy, a little too much coincidence going into everything. Plus, that name still had to go.
It wasn't until sometime in 2011 that I finally stumbled on her real name, Xun Yi Fang. After nearly 16 years, I had finally found her name and I knew it to my bones when I first tentatively put it on paper and I could fell the character take a deep breath and say "Finally!" I started to catch glimpses, after that, of her true character, her true purpose, and what she was really like. Her backstory became a little more fleshed out and, while its core remained the same, she did not feel as lazily made and her backstory seemed to fit more, as the details flushed out to differentiate her from her other friends. For some reason, lamentably, because I had referred to this character as "Marissa" for nearly twenty years, I had a hard time making the switch in my head. Even with her true name revealed, I kept wanting to call her by her old name and still had her using it as a cover for her past because she'd killed a few people responsible for family's death and it seemed logical that she would want to prevent jail time, extradition, or being too easily found by those she didn't get to in her quest for vengeance. Then, I realized I'd hit another road block.
The character just suddenly stopped talking and refused to make that final transition into full blown, realistic character. Many characters created before and after her had finally made their final transition but she refused to. I was upset and frustrated because I thought I had the character's background, backstory, personality, and motives, etc all nailed down. When I realized that I didn't and something was missing, I was disheartened. I'd been working on this character for so long and she still was not ready to fully speak! Then, one day, while I was looking up some information, she dropped a bomb on me. She told me why she wasn't talking.
"Why won't you just let me have my name?" she said to me. At first, I was stunned. I'd been, unknowingly dodging around the issue for a long time but I suddenly came to me clear as a bell as the character finally started to talk. "I know why you won't let go of that other name and I can even understand the logic behind it but don't you think I deserve to have my name, after everything I went through? Other people may have trouble saying it, their problem, not mine. It's my name and I'm not hiding it for anybody. As for being easy to find, do you really think I care if scum bags come at me? Let them come. Thought you would have known me better than that after 22 years." I was floored. Then, came the revelation that hurt. "Also, I know you're not doing it intentionally but aren't you robbing me of my culture by not giving me my name? Sarah and Al (other characters in the series) might be ok with American identities but I am not. I am Chinese, so let me be Chinese." I realized in that moment that I was, unintentionally, white washing this character. While a couple other characters had changed their names for good reason, those characters had grown up in the US at least part of their lives. Xun Yi did not. I was doing her a great disservice and, since, as an author, it's my job to try to be as woke as possible and as aware of cultural appropriation as possible, I could see that point. I know I will still struggle to remember sometimes to call her by her real name but I've changed it in the manuscript and, since then, Xun Yi has been much happier and much more talkative. I may even get her full backstory out of her yet.
